


give me your hand, my brother

by leias_left_hair_bun



Series: Tumblr Asks (: [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Original Character Death(s), also i shoehorned bracer in again bc i love him very much (:, why do i keep hurting my favorite characters so ):
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27494254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leias_left_hair_bun/pseuds/leias_left_hair_bun
Summary: after a worrisome conversation with fives, kix tries to turn to his younger brother for support, only to find out he's too late
Series: Tumblr Asks (: [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992391
Kudos: 5





	give me your hand, my brother

Kix peered around the corner, scanning the room carefully for long-necks. There was one in the far corner, but Kix thought that if he was _really_ careful, he could still get away with his plan. And if it came down to it, he could always pretend he was lost. For a two-year-old clone, that wasn’t _totally_ unbelievable.

The long-neck looked like they were busy with some kind of control panel. Kix took a deep breath and and slipped into the room, dropping to the floor so he could crawl in the shadowed areas between the aisles of cots. Down seven cots, across three aisles, down four more cots, and then he froze as his sharp ears picked up on the unmistakable sound of the long-neck gliding in his direction. Holding his breath, Kix tried to make his small body take up even less space against the base of the cot next to him. The footsteps drew nearer and for a heart-stopping moment, Kix thought that the long-neck was going to pass in front of him. There was no way he wouldn’t be seen. Kix screwed his eyes closed and braced himself for the cold hand that was sure to drag him to his feet, but instead the footsteps continued down the aisle behind his back. Kix let himself breathe again; he’d gotten lucky. That didn’t mean he was going to risk anything to luck a second time though, and he carefully counted to a hundred before he moved to make sure the long-neck was gone.

Five more cots and he’d reached his destination. Kix checked each direction and his blind spot beyond the corner of the cot, trying to utilize what he’d learned in the simulations. The long-neck was gone now, and Kix allowed himself a sigh of relief before standing up and swiftly pulling himself onto the cot.

The current occupant started awake and Kix clapped a hand over his _kih’vod’s_ mouth before he could cry out.

“Bracer, it’s just me,” he whispered, putting his mouth right up to Bracer’s ear.

The younger clone relaxed and Kix pulled his hand away, slipping under the thin blanket. Bracer immediately curled into him, letting Kix wrap his arms around him tightly.

“The long-necks are gonna get you,” Bracer whispered.

“Nuh-uh they won’t. I’m being careful.”

“Okay.” Bracer’s voice sounded funny. “I thought you’d forget about me.”

“‘Course not!” Kix whispered maybe a little too loudly, but he recognized that strangled edge to Bracer’s voice as the first symptom of tears, and he couldn’t let Bracer start crying. “I _told_ you I wasn’t gonna forget you.”

“I know, but it’s been a really long time since I got to see you.”

“Ye-ah.” Kix bit his lip, trying to distract himself from the way his heart sunk with guilt. “I couldn’t come before. The trainers get _really_ strict when you turn two.”

“Oh.” Bracer looked up anxiously. “Are you gonna come back? After tonight?”

“If I can, yeah. I promise.”

“You really promise?” Bracer said. “I’m more lonely now you’re gone.”

“Really and honestly. And you’re gonna be two in a few months, anyways, so we’ll get to sleep in the same barracks again.”

“Okay.”

Bracer’s face cleared and he snuggled further into his _ori’vod’s_ hold. Kix knew he had a matter of minutes before the long-neck came back; he needed to make a decision now about whether he was going to stay and hope he went unnoticed or play it safe and sneak back to his own barracks. But right now, Bracer needed him and Kix couldn’t leave him just yet.

Besides, Kix had missed his _kih’vod’ika_ , too. He could hold Bracer a little longer, he decided.

________________

_Years later_

__________________

The day Kix was currently having was, to put it lightly, not very good. He’d gone out for a drink with Jesse to get his mind off of Fives and Tup - brave, headstrong, _stupid_ Fives who’d supposedly tried to murder the Chancellor for reasons only known to himself, and poor, loyal Tup who’d apparently broken down under the pressures of war. Though now, Kix wasn’t so sure. Fives had shown up at 79’s, and for a moment, Kix thought the rumors about the virus might be true. What Fives had told him was nothing less than insane. But the more Kix thought about it, the harder it was for him to fight off the feeling that Fives was _right_. There had been too much conviction in his eyes, too much desperation in his voice. Fives had never been one to do things by halves, but he’d never been one to act without a good reason, either.

Kix needed a second opinion, and he knew exactly who to ask.

“Here it is,” he muttered to himself. “Hope this is the right one.”

There were several barracks scattered around this area of Coruscant, and the brother who’d given Kix this particular address hadn’t seemed completely sober, but it was the only lead he’d gotten.

Nodding to the troopers standing guard, Kix walked into the barracks and paused, looking around for someone he could talk to. Man after man hurried past, not slowing down enough to so much as acknowledge him. Kix shook his head, slightly disorientated by both the commotion and the lack of friendly chatter he was used to hearing around him in the 501st’s barracks.

“Hey, _vod_!” he called to a trooper walking _slightly_ slower than the rest. “Hey, help a brother out?”

The trooper turned his head.

“What d’you want?”

“I’m looking for a medic, name of Bracer,” Kix explained, quickly falling in step with the other man. “I heard he was stationed around here? We were close on Kamino and I thought I’d stop by and catch up with him while I’m here.”

The trooper stopped mid-stride.

“Bracer?”

“Yeah - you know him?”

Kix’s blood ran cold at the look on the other man’s face. He’d seen that look before, he’d _worn_ it before.

“I’m sorry, _vod_ ,” the trooper said. His voice was softer than before, the irritated edge gone and replaced by sympathy. “Bracer was stationed here, alright, but - well, he was killed today.”

“What time?”

It wasn’t as if it mattered, but some sadistic part of him wanted to know, wanted to find out if he would have seen his _kih’vod’ika_ if he’d come a little earlier. If he’d just searched him out earlier instead of heading straight for a bar.

“Just a couple of hours ago, actually. Went all funny and shot himself. It - it’s been happening, lately, though that stays between us clones. Not his fault, I’m sure; he definitely wasn’t right in the head with how he was talking about following orders and good - hey!”

Vaguely, Kix realized that he’d grabbed the trooper by the throat. He let the other man shove his hands away and just stood there, trying to focus on the ground under his feet. It didn’t feel solid. Was he even breathing? He couldn’t tell.

_Shock_ , his brain reminded him. _You’re in shock._

“Sorry,” he said flatly.

_You’ve been engineered to overcome this rapidly. Get over it. Move on. Find someone else._

“There’s no one else,” Kix whispered.

The trooper eyed Kix warily, rubbing his neck.

“What?”

“There’s no one else,” Kix said again, louder this time. “He’s the only other medic I know well who’s left. Was left.”

“Was he your batchmate or something?” the trooper asked.

“No, he was my friend,” Kix said. “My _kih’vod_.”

Close by, someone shouted what sounded to Kix’s sluggish brain like a command. The trooper shifted uncomfortably.

“Look, I have to go, but if you go to the medbay you might be able to see him. I doubt they’ve put him in the cremator yet.”

Bile rose in Kix’s throat at the thought and he hated himself for it. He’d left countless of his fallen brothers to the mercy of the elements and scavenging beasts and by comparison, cremation was far kinder. 

“Thanks, _vod_ ,” Kix said, and he grasped the hand the trooper offered him gratefully.

He found his way to the medbay easily enough; the layout of the barracks was fairly similar to how quarters were laid out on the flagships. The medic in charge was also easy to get past - yes, the dead medic was still here, and yes, Kix could see him if he really wanted to.

Thankfully, the medbay was practically empty and once the medic went back to his station, Kix was left alone with his brother’s body.

“Hey, _kih’vod_ ,” he said quietly. “I came to ask you about these chips - well, Fives was telling me - he’s another trooper - hell, it doesn’t even matter anymore. I’m too late; I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, _kih’vod’ika_.”

Kix collapsed, falling to his knees and gathering Bracer in his arms.

“It’s been such a long day, _kih’vod_. Such a long day, and now this. Why’d you have to do it?”

Somehow, Kix had never imagined the possibility that he’d have to see Bracer like this. He tried not to allow himself to get too attached to the brothers in the battalions he was assigned to, never knowing when he might have to mark their armor with an “X” and let death take them. But Bracer was a fellow medic, and he was just his little brother.

“This shouldn’t have happened,” Kix choked out.

He put his head on Bracer’s shoulder and began to weep, not caring if the medic on duty heard him. It’d been such a hard day.

“It’s going to be lonelier now you’re gone,” Kix whispered.

Technically, he needed to leave soon. He needed to find Captain Rex and give him the coordinates; he needed to look further into the chips, especially now that he knew some of the Guard were starting to behave like Tup.

But right now, Kix needed Bracer, so he stayed and held his _kih’vod’s_ body for a few more precious minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> this is from an ask from @morganas-pendragons on tumblr (: she asked for kix + held and i meant to make it happy, but i was in a very sad mood and um. this is the result :D also, i know that kix and bracer wouldn't have had their names yet when they were 2 and younger (4 and 3 and a half, physically) but trying to call clones by their CT designations is a nightmare XD


End file.
